Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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