I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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