that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
