My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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