what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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