Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
