Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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