just come out here and I will go home with you...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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