There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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