Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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