Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
