You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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