you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
