u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
