I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
