Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
