I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
