Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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