you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
