So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
