I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
