you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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