There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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