but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
