I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
