do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
