How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
