you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
