I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
