So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
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On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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