You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
