So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
