mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
