someone get that fucking seahorse.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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