I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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