Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
