Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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