I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
