You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
