why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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