Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
