We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
