its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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