dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
