I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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