dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
