K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
