3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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