Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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