it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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