Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
