Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How naked do you want me to be?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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