you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
