I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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