I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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