i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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