So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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