But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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