Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
