you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
