Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
