she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
