There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
