Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
