So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
