My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
