Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
