I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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