omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
