The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
